Helga's Cleanin' Out Her Closet
by Zarius
Summary: A song parody focusing on Helga, why is she singing EMINEM? Read on to find out contains strong language


**Hey Arnold: "Cleanin' Out, My Closet**

Featuring Helga

_Read to the lyrics of "Cleanin' Out My Closet" by Eminem_

Written By Zarius

Disclaimer: Hey Arnold and all related characters are the trademarked property of Nickelodeon; "Cleanin' out my Closet" is trademarked by Marshall Mathers.

(If you think this one's good, wait 'till you read "Skyline Part 3: Friend/Enemy (delayed until November,) and "Helga's Diary", which actually is a crossover with J..(Ahh, but that'd be telling)

Setting:

Helga is in her room, she hears her parents arguing downstairs, she's committed more anarchy it seems, and again, she's been lectured for the deed, told by her mother that she should follow the example left by her sister Olga (grrr), her father couldn't care less at the moment either, he's on the phone to another stuffy up-and-up businessman.

Helga looks at the closet her Arnold shrine is contained in, she opens it, and sighs with a heavy heart, she wonders if Arnold will EVER know how much she loves him, especially since she spends most of the time pretending to HATE him, driving him farther and farther away in the process. She's also furious that she must always follow Olga's example, as if her parents were followers of a goddess that they had bore, and Helga was the demon to be vanquished. She felt as if she cannot keep this pretence up fir much longer now, she was pushing Arnold away, when she should be drawing him closer to her, and her parents had failed to show her a love and worship they had given her older sister, Olga.

Olga had also moved away, and tales of her success have always made Helga jealous, angry, and lonesome..

She felt used, she felt useless, and she felt like..

Singing AN EMINEM SONG PARODY!

Intro:

_Where's my snare?_

_I have no snare on my head bow_

_There you go_

_Yeah_

_Yo yo_

_Verse #1_

_Have you ever been hated, or discriminated against? I have, I've been protested and demonstrated against_

_Treatment like ice for my wicked life, Arnold tries to be nice._

_God, I'm so sick of these mother-fucking twists in my life._

_All this commotion, emotions run deep as the burg is exploding_

_Jealous Tempers from me because my folks favour Olga_

_Not taking nothing from no one, give him hell long as I'm breathing_

_Keeps kicking his ass in the morning, and calling him names in the evening_

_Leaving with the taste of regret with lust in my heart._

_See I can torture you, but I'll make sure I never tear us apart._

_Look at me now, I betcha prolly sick of me now_

_Aren't you Arnold, I'll reluctantly make you look ridiculous now_

_I'm sorry Arnold,_

_I never meant to hurt you_

_I never meant to make you cry_

_But Tonight, I'm cleanin'n out my closet._

_I'm sorry Arnold,_

_I never meant to hurt you_

_I never meant to make you cry_

_But Tonight, I'm cleanin'n out my closet._

_Ha!_

_Verse #2_

_I've got an Arnold tribute in my closet_

_And I don't know if no one knows it_

_So before they throw me inside my coffin and close it_

_I'ma expose it, I'll take you back to 1984,_

_Before I ever had the urge to call my smarter sister a whore_

_I was a little girl maybe I was just a couple of years_

_My faggot father must've been on his phone, sacking peers._

_When Olga spilt, I wonder if she even kissed me goodbye_

_No I don't, on second thought I just fucking wished she would die_

_I looked out once at Arnold, and in the split of a second I was in love_

_When I pretended I hated him, I grited my teeth and I try to make it work_

_With him, at least for my heart's sake I maybe made some mistakes_

_But I'm only human but I'm man enough to face them today_

_What I do to Him's stupid; no doubt it 's just dumb_

_But the smartest shit I did was keep Arnold from findin' out my family's scum_

_Wish I could kill em, shit It's the only good ending I see for me and Arnold both_

_That's my life, I'd like to welcome ya'll to the Helga Pattaki show_

_I'm sorry Arnold_

_I never meant to hurt you_

_I never meant to make you cry_

_But tonight I'm cleanin' out this closet_

_One More Time_

_I'm sorry Arnold_

_I never meant to hurt you_

_I never meant to make you cry_

_But tonight I'm cleanin' out this closet_

_(Verse #3)_

_Now I would never diss my own parents just to get recognition_

_Take a second to listen for who you think this tracks dissing_

_But put yourself in my position, just try to envision_

_Witnessing your father preachin' about business in the kitchen_

_An' Bitching that his wife's always going through her purse when shit's missing_

_Arnold's Grandma's no different; Bitch suffers from Alzheimer's syndrome_

_My whole life I was made to believe I was useless when I wasn't_

_'Till I caught on, now I grown up it makes you sick to your stomach, doesn't it?_

_Wasn't it the reason you kept me thinki'n I was second-fiddler, "Ma"?_

_So you could try to groom me the way Olga was, "Ma?"_

_But guess what, you're getting older now and it's cold when you're lonely_

_And I've grown up so quick I already know that you're phoney_

_And my love for Arnold's strong now, when we wed, it'll be beautiful._

_But you'll never see us, we wont even be at your funeral hahaha_

_See what hurts me the most, is you wont admit you was wrong_

_Bitch, do your song; keep telling yourself that you was a mom._

_(We cut to Helga clutching to a photo of Olga, song resumes)_

_.and how dare you leave me to be lectured about the success that you get_

_You selfish bitch, I hope you fucking burn in hell for this shit_

_Remember when you moved to New York and wanted to take me_

_(Laughs) Too late bitch, I've shunned you, you're just plain dead to me!_

_I'm sorry Arnold_

_I never meant to hurt you_

_I never meant to make you cry_

_But Tonight, I'm cleanin'n out my closet._

_One More Time_

_I Said I'm sorry Arnold,_

_I never meant to hurt you_

_I never meant to make you cry But Tonight, I'm cleanin'n out my closet._

(End of Parody)


End file.
